Today Thomas and I sat on the back porch all afternoon at his house, we did homework and I drank some hot chocolate. It's been a really slow day with a little bit of rain here and there, cooking lunch in the kitchen at 1:30, and doing my homework afterwards.
For me, today has been one of those days where the last thing I want to do is homework and it's hard to motivate myself to read or do any sort of academic type of work. I spent part of the time finishing reading a chapter in Anthropology and part of the time curled under a blanket resting my head on Thomas's shoulder. He is so kind to me and I don't deserve it. Why did God bless me with such a wonderful human being as a friend, fiance, and life partner?
32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
Getting to touch his heart, to see a smile on his face knowing that I was able to cause it, is probably one of the most awesome gifts that God has given me. The gift of being able to serve the man who will one day be my husband is great. I could cry at the thought of getting to be a servant and serve with this man of God my whole life. I only hope that even though I am a sinner he will never have to question my love for him, and that we never have to question our love for God.
Today I feel a little insecure and unworthy, I don't know, it's hard to explain. I'm such a sinner, why would God love me? I'm bad at school, I'm conceited, I gossip, I have a haughty spirit, I'm discontent. I just feel very blah.
But I know that I am loved by God, treasured even. And because of that I am loved by Thomas too. Knowing things and accepting things do not always go hand in hand.
As my computer is about to die, I must end my writing here even though there are so many more things I'd like to say.
-- An emotional female named Kay, with blue eyes, brown hair, a loud laugh, and a lot to be thankful for.
No comments:
Post a Comment