December 3rd, 2010

The past two weeks I haven't been able to fall asleep well. I have stayed up until 12, 1, and even 2:30. Sometimes I stay up and do homework, but last night I stayed up until 1:00 doing my devotion time. After that I was lying in bed still quite awake with my brain whirring around too many different thoughts and reminders to count. I finally started to pray that God would turn my brain off. 

It's a strange thing to feel like you need your brain to turn off. I know, being a girl, I think constantly, but never enough that it actually keeps me up. 

It's a busy time in my life, sure, that's obvious on the exterior. I have school work, chores, errands, wedding planning, and many other things to do. I feel like I'm constantly in the car these days either picking up the twins from school, or driving over to see Thomas for a little while. 

But it's more than exterior business, there's a lot going on in the inside too. I am trying to follow after God, at 19 years old looking at marriage and school and everything on the outside, I'm trying to make sure that all my actions are truly following God's will for my life. At this point I should probably just be content with the calling I have on my life now, which is getting married. I have to say, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I know people say that all the time, with their heads and hearts filled with love and devotion, but I feel like I really know.

One night when Thomas and I were in the car driving home  he told me that I should start praying about whether it's right for us to get married or if we should break up and move on to what else God has in store for our lives. Obviously the initial thought was sadness, because there was that possibility that I might not end up marrying Thomas. 

That night I went home, a little bit sad, but trusting in God and His plan for me. I prayed a lot for God to show me what was the right thing to do. I asked Him to show me in His word what he wanted for my life. To my surprise He answered that night in the most direct way He's ever answered anything to me before. 

I flipped around in my bible and I started to read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against a man who is alone, two will withstand him - a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

I think my favorite part is the first sentence, and the last. 

Romans 8:31b

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Even though I have a lot of things going on in my life right now, inside and out, as long as I follow God He will bless me, make me stronger, and draw me closer to Him. I am so glad that I am able to do that with someone so special to me, and I pray that I am able to bless his life as much as he has blessed mine.