Hurting.

I haven't felt so angry, hurt, and tense in a while. I probably felt about the same way the first time this came around, but now it feels worse. I wish that crying would actually help me feel better, but sadly it won't. Yet still, all I want to do is cry.
All I want to know is, Why? 
Why do you choose to make the same mistake over again?
Why do you not respect her?
Why don't you respect yourself?
Why don't you care?
Why do you make up excuses like a two year old?
Why do you say hurtful things?
Why do you feel like you create your own love? Your own life? Your own purpose? Why?
Why don't you believe in God anymore?
Why do you pretend to?
Why do you think I'm stupid for being a Christian?
Why don't you see the pattern you're making in your life?


There are so many questions, and while those are a lot already I'm sure there are more - like, "Why, God? Why this?" 
I hate to this, but it really pains me to say that God has a plan for this - there is no doubt in my mind that he does, but it just hurts that it is happening this way. That is why God is incomprehensible. And while God seems to be using this to challenge me, to make me stronger by my weaknesses, (2 Corinthians 12:10) there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, whether it be a new blessing from God, or the ultimate blessing that is joining him.