You know something? A part of me has always hated Christmas time. I hate it, deep down to the core. Not in a scrooge-like way, I really do like the season and the joy it brings to see peoples faces when they open up their presents. I'm in actuality a giant people pleaser. If I can please you, I will try. Maybe that's why I like to make people laugh so much. It's so refreshing to come in from "the world" and be reminded of the one Savior who truly loves me and wants me to love him too.
I feel like I have a lot of good reasons to hate Christmas, which sounds stupid, I'm fully aware of that fact.
When I was a little girl I used to like Christmas - but I hated it because I always got in trouble. It seems like I always cried someway, somehow. I remember one Christmas where me and my sister got scooters. That afternoon we were going to go ride and while I was unfolding my sisters scooter the spring broke that unfolds it. For some reason I got in a massive amount of trouble, was yelled at, scolded, and sent to my room. I don't completely understand why.
These days I hate how alone I feel at the holidays. I hate it so much. My family doesn't spend actual time together, and I hate that too. I don't think that it will ever change. I hate it.
Another thing I hate is when my boyfriend is home for the holidays and he forgets to call me because he's having too much fun with his own family and when I call him back he is in a room filled with laughter and joy. I wish I could have that same thing, so I didn't have to patiently and eagerly wait for his call. The number one thing I hate during the holidays is feeling alone and that is how I feel right now. That is why I am crying. Right now I really do hate Christmastime. It only reminds me how awkward and disfunctional my family is, and how hard it is for me to fit in with a normal one.
No comments:
Post a Comment